As the founder of a wellness company, it’s easy to believe I must always be on top of my wellness, like I’m walking on clouds. Well, the last couple weeks, I fell off my wellness practices. I stopped meditating and, yes, I stopped journaling. When I thought “I need to meditate” or “I need to journal,” my depressive voice would respond “What’s the point?”
Each day that passed where I thought “What’s the point,” the easier it got to give in to that voice. It crept further and further into my head space. “What’s the point? It’s not like I’m feeling better. It’s not like these heavy, sad feelings are going to go away.”
This weekend I talked with some friends about this feeling, and one friend offered to be an accountability buddy. I started to meditate again and I opened back up my Zenit Journal. In response to my prompt, “What am I feeling?” I wrote about feeling down in the dumps day after day. Not terrible, but pretty blah, and feeling like this wellness stuff was pointless if this is how I’m going to keep feeling. I put everything my depressive voice had been saying down on paper.
Then, in response to my next prompt, “What do I want in my heart?” I wrote “I want to feel better.” I don’t want to be dragging everyday. I want to feel hopeful and optimistic. I want to believe in myself. I want to be meditating, journaling, taking care of myself. I want to feel healthy and nourished.
Finally, in response to my third prompt, “What’s my wisest self telling me?” I wrote (and this is verbatim from my Zenit):
It’s tough when practicing self-care doesn’t always make me feel better. I guess it’s similar to eating healthy and exercising. You don’t see benefits right away or for a while, but I do know that it does work. So I guess I gotta practice some patience and persistence. My wisest self is saying, keep going. Do it to do it, because it feeds your soul. It feeds your mind and heart. It’s not satisfying like a cupcake or a good steak is satisfying. It’s nourishing the way a veggie stew is nourishing. Nourishing, not satisfying. Remember that, because nourishment is what I need right now, not satisfying.
I felt lighter after making this realization as I was writing. There’s freedom in recognizing that my wellness practices are not always going to feel immediately good or transformative. It’s the freedom of letting go of the hype around wellness.
These days, it’s so easy to be inundated with “model” images of wellness, people glowing all fit and serene. Well let’s be real, that’s NOT what wellness looks like all the time. Wellness also looks like my ugly crying face as I journal my thoughts and feelings. It doesn’t always feel serene. It also feels like work as I continuously bring my attention back to my breath while my thoughts run amok as I meditate. It doesn’t always come with a rush of positive feelings. And that is OK. That’s real. It still works, like how you can walk through fog not realizing you’re getting wet, and then when you go back inside, you’re soaked.
Every Custom Wellness Journal and Planner by Zenit comes with an encouraging note that includes: “Be kind to yourself, too. If you miss days, weeks, or months, you can always pick it back up. Your Zenit never expires.” I stepped away from my Zenit but it was always there for me and ready for me. I’m remembering the “work” part of wellness. I’m freeing myself of the hype, which allows me to come back to what I need for my health and wellness. I’m grateful my Zenit prompts helped me work through my rut. I’m ready to keep it going again, nourishing my soul one day at a time.