"There came a time where the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin
This is one of my favorite quotes among our 100 affirming quotes by diverse leaders that you can add to your Custom Wellness Journal or Planner.
Looking back at my self care journaling entries, much of my healing journey has been the work of blossoming - of allowing myself to be all of me.
The risk of blossoming is real. I was told that being me was being selfish. I learned that being me was dangerous. Since I was a kid, hiding the inconvenient parts of me was safer, for everyone.
Through my self care journaling, I've seen how this deeply ingrained pattern has been affecting me subconsciously. With everything I say and do, I calculate the risk. The risk of, how will this be received by others? How might this cause some unforeseen problem? How might this create turmoil? How might this offend someone? How might this result in "Alina, how dare you..."? How might this become something that's once again, all my fault?
In one of my self care journaling entries, I say, "I'm tired!" I'm tired of trying to choose every word I say and every way I show up to prevent all the possible forms of fallout. It takes So. Much. Energy.
I wrote in my custom wellness journal, I'm finally at a point where I'd rather be me and deal with the consequences than hide parts of me to prevent consequences.
So, I've been on this journey of blossoming.
It hasn't been easy. It's work! It has meant causing some turmoil with people I love. It's meant being vulnerable to backlash and judgment. I still have that habit of ticking through the whole catalog of risks before I speak my truth. But, with my self care journaling in my custom wellness journal, I'm learning to trust that, I'm coming from a genuine place of the heart, not a malicious place, and whatever happens, I'll find a way forward.
Where have you been remaining tight in the bud? What does blossoming look like for you?
Write it out in your self care journaling... See what comes up. And remember, it takes time, thought, and energy to blossom. Go at a pace that works for you. Go gently, flowing, not forcing, one step at a time. Deep breaths, you got this.